You Did What Now!
by ExactChase
Summary: RWBY and JNPR are extremely bored, so they begin to tell funny stories.
1. Jaune's Craziest Party

RWBY and JNPR sat around telling stories, as they had nothing better to do. "You got anything?" Ruby asked Jaune.

"I doubt it." Yang joked.

"Actually..."

Yang sat up, "Do tell."

"Okay, fine." Jaune said, he leaned forward. "This one happened in high school, uh, we had this teacher in high school, his name was Mr. Mcnamara, and his kid who went to our school, named Jake Mcnamara. And Mr. Mcnamara was an asshole, and one weekend Mr. Mcnamara and his wife decided to leave town, which you should never do if you're an asshole,"

They all laughed. "And Jake decided to throw a party at the teacher's house, and everyone in town heard about it, and we all stood up and decided, 'let's go over and destroy the place'."

They laughed again. "I walked into this party, and everyone I had ever met was there, and everyone was drinking. We were drinking like it was the Civil War and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off."

They laughed harder. "We were like dogs without horses, it was completely unsupervised."

"I bet." Weiss said.

"It got worse, one kid found out which room was Mr. Macnamara's room, and went in and took a shit on his computer."

"Oh my God!" Pyrrha said, laughing.

"It got even worse, one kid took and running start and jumped onto the pool table, he broke it in half."

They all looked at him in disbelief.

"So, I was standing in the basement, holding a red cup— you've seen movies. And I was starting to black out, but I heard someone say, 'something-something police' and in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled 'FUCK DA POLICE! FUCK DA POLICE'!" They began to laugh harder than before. "And everyone else joined in. One hundred drunk, white children, yelling fuck. DA. Police. With the confidence of guys that have been to prison, you know like, 'I SERVED MY NICKEL YOU CAN COME AND TAKE ME'!" They were dying of laughter. "Well, reason some said something something police, is because the police were there. A Vale police officer, looking out over a sea of drunk toddlers, screaming fuck da police. And he was almost impressed."

"Really?" Yang asked

"Yeah, he was like, 'Wow' and then, he leaned into his walkie talkie and said, 'GET THE PADDYWAGON'." Now they were laughing harder than ever. "And my brother, John, who is now a father— this man has a baby, smashed a forty and yelled 'SCATTER!' And we all ran in different directions. It was like that one scene in Ratatouille where the humans come in and the rats all run in different directions, it was just like that. I ran into the laundry room and jumped onto the washer and climbed out the window. I was running towards a huge chain link fence, and I remember thinking, I've never climbed a fence that high. And then I woke up at home."

None of them could breath, they were laughing so hard. "And on Monday, we all went back to school, and I saw Jake, and he's like, 'hey, did you come to my party?' And I said no, you know, like a liar. 'It got really out of hand, someone broke the pool table, someone took a shit on my dad's computer. And worst of all, someone stole some old antique photos of my grandma and my parents are freaking out about it. And I had that thought that only blackout drunks… and Steve Urkel can have, 'did I do that?' And I was never sure… Until two years later, right before I came to Beacon. I was playing video games with this kid, who also went to school with me. And he's like, 'I wanna show you something, and he leads me into a side room in his bedroom, which is never a good thing to have, but it was line, wall-to-wall with old antique photos, and I was like, '...Why…." and he was like, 'Because it's the one thing you can't replace'. And that's the end of that story, but how fucked up is that?"


	2. Blake's Racist Field Trip

"You guys wanna know when I started wearing the bow?" Blake asked.

"Sure." Ruby said.

"It's actually a funny story, but I started wearing it after the most racist field trip I have ever been on. We went to a fucking cotton processing plant in the middle of August. In the middle of the fucking summer heat."

They began to laugh. "My mom didn't think about it, she signed off on it, and that teacher took me and twenty eight other faunettes to the damn cotton field. We got off that bus and they gave us bags with a little cotton person on it. And they told us we could pick as much cotton as we wanted. We went out there, and we were singing songs and shit!"

They were rolling on the floor, laughing. "And I thought that since it was a field trip, we'd get to keep the cotton, and we go to get on the bus, and they're like, 'Okay, kids. Time to turn your bags in.' And me, being the little rebel I was, grabbed a handful and stuffed it in my back pocket. And the next day, my mom was doing the laundry, and she found it, and she's like 'where did you get unprocessed cotton?' And I told her, she went to that school and she locked that bitch in there, I didn't go to school for three days after that! She didn't wanna even look at that bitch! I didn't even know what was wrong until the next year!"

RWY and JNPR were now laughing harder than they had at Jaune's story.

"Did she lose her job?" Pyrrha asked.

"No! My mom was the only one who saw what was wrong!"

"Was it like an all faunas school?" Ren asked.

"No! In a stroke of luck, my class had all the faunas kids in the whole school!"


	3. The Best Meal of Ruby and Yang's Lives

"I have a story." Yang said, raising her hand. "Of the first time Ruby ever used her smartness for evil."

"That's not grammatically correct." Weiss said, ignoring the fact that Ruby was trying hard not to laugh.

"I don't care," Yang said. "Anyway. Ruby and I once went to this diner in Patch. We weren't supposed to go there, because it's home for drugged up teens and homeless schizophrenics. We go in there, and there was this jukebox, and you could get four plays for a dollar. So we put in a five, and put in twenty plays of Tom Jones' 'What's New Pussycat' and then… We waited. We ordered some food and watched the rest of the diner, just waiting for them to realize what we had done." The others were lightly snickering at the idea of this. "The thing about when you play What's New Pussycat over and over, is that when it plays for a second time, you don't think, 'Oh! Someone's playing What's New Pussycat again!' No, you think, 'Wow. What's New Pussycat is a lot longer than I thought'. Y'know, like there's a dip in it. Like November Rain. There's a dip in that song, and it confuses the hell out me every time. 'Oh! November Rain's over!' No it's not." The others laughed. "And around the third play, you think, 'Whoa. Did someone just play What's New Pussycat three times, or twice and it's just a really long song. Around the fourth time it's like, 'Okay someone is definitely playing What's New Pussycat again'." The others laughed again. "But the fifth time's the kicker! At this point, most people had gotten wind as to what was going on, and we were watching this one guy, and he's sitting in his booth, and his hand is shaking while his stupid kids jump around, and he's been on to us since the beginning. And he's staring at his coffee cup, and he has this look on his face like he just got his thirty day chip from anger management." The others were dying.

"And the fourth play fades out… it's dead quiet… And then—I don't know if you knew this, but the song begins very subtly. WHA WHA WHA! WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT! And the guy goes 'GAAAWD DAMMIT!' And pounds on the table, and silverware flies everywhere! And it was fa~ntastic! "And Ruby, being the little mischievous genius she is, decided, as I was putting in the seventh play, 'Why don't we put in one, It's Not Unusual'? And that is when the afternoon went from good to great!"

The others were now beginning to laugh harder.

"After SEVEN What's New Pussycat's IN A ROW! Suddenly—'It's not unusual'!" Yang said the last part in an odd voice, but it only fueled the others' laughter. "And the sigh of relief that swept through the diner! People were ecstatic! It was like the liberation of Faunas! For years scientists have wondered, 'Can you make men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual?' Yes. Yes you can. As long as it is preceded by seven What's New Pussycat's." The others were in tears, including Ruby, who lived it. "And on the other hand, when we went back. Holy shit. It's not unusual fades out… It's dead quiet. BWA BOOM! WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT! People went fucking insane! No one could handle it! No one! And they were surrounded by a seemingly indifferent staff just like, 'Yep! Same shit as always'!"

They were weeping from laughter.

"My only wish, is if one of the schizophrenics had stood up and said, 'Now you know. Now you know what it's like to live in my brain,' They unplugged the jukebox after ELEVEN plays, and that was the best meal of my life!"


End file.
